Brains work in mysterious ways, their insights to achieve.
Two images of water: one restrained, the other chaotic. In neither is the water acting freely, doing what it wants. Even when chaotic, the water pours out of the fountain and is buffeted by the wind. Water is inanimate, non-sentient. It follows rules and boundaries set up by mankind or by the landscape. It is not a free agent.
Now draw the bow with me: what if, instead of water, we are talking about raising children? Some children will thrive in the restrained environment, others in the chaotic. I have been reading about mind-sets: fixed, and growth. How do you encourage a child to continue, to persevere: do you tell them that they will achieve because they are smart; or, do you tell them they will achieve because they are working hard? All this is round pegs and square holes territory. And where does this fit with the various parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, indulgent, and negligent?
Maybe I should just go back to reading popular fiction.